Take a deep, deep breath and relax. Italians flush the toilet too. So look around you. It most likely is on top of the toilet tank. No such luck? Ok, hope is not lost. Look on the wall. Is there a button just behind the tank? Is it silver? Is it divided into two sections? Is it white plastic? Are there two of them? Push one. The bigger button is for a bigger flush. If it's not on the wall behind the tank, look at an adjoining wall, and breathe a sigh of relief. No buttons anywhere? Ok, ok, CALM DOWN! Is there an elevated tank, because some older toilets have them. The button might be at the bottom of the tank and require you to push up. Is there a pedal on the floor? Chances are, it flushes the toilet. If there is a button on the wall but no faucet handle, then the floor pedal is to get the water flowing at the sink. So do your business and flush with confidence, knowing you mastered a basic function in another country.
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| Notice the bidet on the left of the toilet. This is in a restaurant. What if you splashed on your pants while trying to use it? Can you imagine, having to walk back through the restaurant after a mishap with the bidet? |
If all you see is a hole in the floor, well you're on your own (just use the handicap bathroom, which will always have a standard toilet).
Now, Italian (and lot of European, mostly southern) bathrooms have not one but two porcelain thrones - the one we Americans are used to, and also the toilet's little sister: the bidet. Most Northern American's approach with fear and trepidation, not to mention a lot of confusion, this second pot/sink combo. If you're like me, you know - or at least have heard rumors about - what it is used for. Your bum. It's for your bum. It's a bum rinser (see directions here, and I would strongly recommend the video at the bottom). Now, I tried to imagine how it was supposed to function (wish I had seen the video years ago!), but couldn't picture how that was supposed to...work. Can you use a bidet for other things besides yer bum? Well, the answer is absolutely. Even if you can't figure out how to use it for that fresh and clean feeling, it makes an excellent foot soaker/leg shaving aide. Just make sure it's clean first.
Chances are that you will master the toilet flushing at the airport long before you even check in to your hotel. So what happens when you get to said hotel, walk in the door for the first time, and the light switches don't work? Before you throw your hands up and in frustration head for the metro to take you back to the airport so you can get out of this backwards country, take another breath and think about infrastructure. Yes, you read that right. Infrastructure. Italy is old. Really old. It's power grid is equally old, and the bureaucratic red tape to update anything is ridiculous (it's not the locals wanting to live primitively, it's the government making it near impossible to make what we would consider standard improvements). If you've ever wondered why so many Italians hang their laundry out to dry instead of investing in a laundry dryer, it's probably because running a dryer simultaneously with an iron and a hair dryer could blow the electric grid to their home (well, at least a few dozen fuses). And energy costs are extremely expensive too, somehow factoring in to the age and the red tape. SO, when your hotel light switch produces zero results, curse Italian bureaucracy first, and then take a look at that hotel key you are holding. It is literally the "key" to your lighting problems! The light switch next to the door probably has some kind of key hole, regardless if it's the metal or the plastic credit card type, which switches on the electric current to your room. Hotels save lots of money and energy when their patrons can't leave the TV on all day or forget to turn off the bathroom heater because when they leave, so does the power. Oh, and nobody wants to lug a huge key like these ones around (and they were almost ALL like this), so don't forget to turn it in to the front desk as you leave. This procedure gives you the opportunity to practice your Italian numbers and get to know the front desk worker quite well, so ask him how to get places, to circle your destination on the map, to recommend restaurants, call you a cab, or if there really is an airport strike - they will help and are REALLY friendly. And some of these workers know lots of languages, so stick around long enough and you'll hear them work their international-relations magic!
Last but not least, getting a free drink of water is one of the best things about Italy. While you pay an arm and a leg for water at a restaurant because Italians have this weird thing about drinking bottled water, there is drinking water for the taking on the street - if you know what you're looking for. It may just be a spigot in the middle of a square and look just like what you will see at a campground. It may be an ornate looking punch jug kinda thing (you know, the ones you see at family gatherings or at catered events with water and lemon slices in them and a little spigot on the bottom) with lots of people gathered around it at the Vatican, or a spout coming out of the side of a still-working Roman-era aqueduct. Unless there is a sign saying the water is not potable (non potabile), it's safe for the chugging. Isn't this a great country!
So take a poop with the lights on and then drink an absolutely free toast to Italy with your reusable, recyclable bottle filled to the brim with crystal clear water. Cin cin! Salute!
