A Few Days in Chicago

I have made a few bucket lists in my day.  As I've matured, accomplished, and evolved, so has the list.  There has always been one item, however, that has stayed constant: to live on a main street in a big city.

Cities have always fascinated me.  From my childhood in Milwaukee, I remember driving through or passing the city, its skyline speaking importance and productivity.  Big cities were where fun things happened: museums, parks, festivals, food, people going places, sporting events, live theater, Christmas displays and lights, and even beaches.  They were always exciting to me, but they also were only visited with any substantial amount of time on special occasions, visible yet inaccessible. With every subsequent trip that I have taken, the desire to be living right in the thick of things has only gotten stronger - Florence, Venice, Washington D.C., Portland, Paris, Boston, Salt Lake City...Thus, the goal on my bucket list has remained.

With age and income, I have come to realize that my lifelong desire may never manifest itself the way I have always imagined.  It wasn't until a weekend visit this summer that I realized that I may have actually gotten to live my dream.  My friend Libby took a job as a flight attendant last year.  Though not her first choice, she was assigned the home base of Chicago.  Off she moved to the big city, and when I visited with my family this summer, I took a few days to visit her.  Little did she or I know at the time that I would be pretty much living my dream for the next few days.  

I had been to Chicago before, but this trip was so much better than all the others combined because she lives right in the middle of the action.  Before, I had stayed with friends in the suburbs, and we would take day trips in to visit the art or science museum.  It was always fun, and I was always impressed, but it was short lived.  I was visiting a tourist attraction, but never really connected with the city.  

This time, I was staying with someone who lived in the city - not the skyscraper, penthouse part, but where the real people of Chicago live.  We took the buses and trains everywhere.  We walked a lot, and saw neighborhoods that you see only if you go deliberately. Climbed the stairs to Libby's old, no air conditioning, and full of architectural charm apartment complex. We climbed to the roof to see the city skyline at night.  We ate at local places.  I had a tour guide, but the kind that lives and plays and works in the city; the best kind.  For all anyone knew, I lived there too (well, my camera kind of gave it away, but still...).  And I suddenly realized that while I wasn't paying rent there, while it was just for a few days, while I was still only pretending, because my dream was so open-ended on my list, I could decide if I had accomplished it or not.  And I felt really good about saying that I had.  

I'm only 35 and I still have a lot of living to do.  I may get to realize my dream the way I had pictured it when I was little, but there's also a strong chance that I may not.  But that is OK.  The thing about dreams is that they are often more fun when you get to share them with other people.  For a few days, my friend, without knowing it, helped me live a little bit of one of mine.  And my list, as a result, just got a little bit shorter.
(See the pictures in the posts below)

The Fruits of Our Labors

Back in October and November, the service club and Cedar High, of which I am advisor, embarked on a big project. There is a courtyard in the middle of the school, but in the six years since I have been teaching, it has been used usually once by the faculty in the spring when we have an end-of-the-year cookout and potluck lunch. It's been this great space but completely under-utilized and, frankly, really sad looking. So I had the idea for the Athena club to spruce it up a bit.

About five years ago (so people say), one of the clubs planted tulip bulbs out there. I would guess that it was much longer than that because only a few tulips would come up haphazardly around the courtyard, filled in by a lot of weeds and grass. One of the problems for any planting projects is that there is no direct water source; all water needs to come from within the building and can be rather messy. Anything that is planted has a tendency to get cooked by the hot sun, so having a lot of summer flowers isn't practical, hence the spring bulbs. Another issue is the soil quality. There is none. The dirt is hard as rock out there, and after digging around, there are all sorts of 'treasures' such as broken brick, ceramic, bolts... A third problem I encountered when I let the teachers know of the project (in part to beg for funds and help from other clubs) was with the reception I got from a few others at the school. Those who had planted the previous batch of bulbs out there were a little...defensive? Telling me it would be a shame to destroy the ones out there; there were about 500 bulbs currently; that I needed to dig everything up so as not to waste what others had done. I was kind of frustrated. How was I going to dig all of them up when I didn't even know where they were? How was I going to dig at all since the ground was so hard? And with all of the weeds, who was going to tell me what was a real plant and what was garbage? And did these people not remember how few flowers were coming up each spring? Most of what was out there was probably baked dead anyway, not to mention that, according to my sources from various Google searches, bulbs have about a 5 year life before needed to be refreshed. Needless to say, I had absolutely no gardening experience, had bitten off a lot more than I knew I could swallow, and was easily being discouraged by the less-than-helpful comments of some of my coworkers.

But begin we did. We started with a drenching of the dirt and weeding what we could - there was one humongous thistle that gave us a run for our money!! About 15 girls showed up for this. After that we tilled - Ok, I did. In flip flops. Dumb move, but now I know for any future tilling projects what the appropriate footwear is. We were out there for a while, but it helped me assess how much more work we had to do and that topsoil was needed.

A few weeks later came the bulb planting. I wanted the "Secret Garden," so I purchases about 700 daffodils, crocuses, and tulips. But 700 did not seem like nearly enough once we started setting them out. And I didn't buy nearly enough topsoil to feel good about it. And only 7 girls showed up. Seven! Out of three clubs that were invited, including National Honor Society (only 1 showed up from that). And then half of them had to leave early for other things. Two other teachers and I stayed until about 6:30 one night after school finishing up. I was even more disheartened.

And then came the waiting. And hoping. And more waiting. Winter. Thaw. More winter and thaw. And then...

Spring!




Teachers and office staff are emailing me and stopping me in the halls to say thanks. They are eating lunch out there. Another teacher contributed lawn furniture, a bird bath, iron decorations, and bird feeders. It's not the secret garden. There are packed areas and really sparse ones. But it is ours. Success sure is        
                                          sweet smelling!

My 2.3 Seconds of Not-So Much-Fame

Two summers ago I was in an SUU recruitment commercial. It was kinda fun and mostly embarassing. I'd only seen it once, and I just remembered I had done it - I couldn't even remember what it was called! But I found it, so here it is.

Reconnecting

I'm an insecure friend. This makes me appear to be an uncaring friend, when really I sometimes feel paralyzed with caring a lot but not knowing what to do to be a good one and even concern that what I've thought of isn't good enough. So often I do nothing instead. Distance - physical or emotional - leads me to fall out of touch with a lot of people, sometimes when they live in the same space as me, when that is the last thing I want. I remember even as a child being aware of my friendship faults and insecurities. The good news is that I have some friends who haven't given up on me. The good news is that I was able to reconnect with someone through the lost domain of emailing that I thought I had lost but maybe I haven't. Here is my ode (not the John Keats kind) to finding old and lost friends:

"Building Words"

They say writing letters is an art

rapidly being lost to time and movements of quickness.

And I believe the ambiguous ‘them’ when the telephone

imposes spaces of stressed urgency to fill, reminding us both

of absence and

distance

and of the loudness of silence when words can’t

satisfy the

passage

of

time –

the quiet ending in a lonely void.

But the lost art has led to

the science of a foundedness of you

and for now letter by letter suffices as we repave bridges

that had been weather worn from disuse, reconnecting

through words carefully chosen and common, with

no immediacy of tied tongues, building

one on top of the next to reconstruct

what could become something

that looks like

friendship.

Falling for Fall!

Autumn has always been my favorite season. I love getting out the cozy clothes, the changing leaves, Halloween decorations, the football, and the air smells like everything good. I just wish it lasted longer! The leaves never last long enough and Halloween is over too quickly. Before we know it, Thanksgiving will be here and the Christmas decorations will be coming out. So here are my last clingings to this wonderful season, with pictures from the Southern Utah University campus and homecoming game, before winter pries my cold bony fingers loose.
What a wonderful setting for a peaceful evening walk with Claudia and Claire!

Claudia getting a little fresh with Will!
I attended SUU for 4 1/2 years and this is the first time I've taken pictures of the campus - five years after I graduated!
Go Tori!
S-U-U! S-U-U!
So maybe we spent a little more time catching up and watching Meg's sister cheer, but SUU won on a glorious day to be outside with your best friend while stuffing your face with polish dogs and imitation nacho cheese!

Thor the Tunderbird making the rounds.

Spooky pumkin skeleton!

Happy little ghost! And Happy Halloween to all!

Fashion or Faux Pas?

On Thursday of last week, I was attending to some business in the school library when I saw this painting for the first time. I asked Fred, our school's media specialist/doer of technological hodgepodgery, about it. He told me that in the '50's, Cedar High used to buy art work for the school at local art shows and the school had acquired it in 1956. An art researcher studying the artist had recently contacted the school to find out more about the painting as the name (The Yellow Screen) was listed in a book somewhere but the researcher knew nothing of the subject. Fred took the painting from the food's room where it had been hanging for years to photograph it and send to the researcher. What I found so interesting about the painting, and why I am blogging about it now, is that though I had never seen the painting before, I had on the same outfit as the woman. Down to the linked bracelet. While hers is more chunky, and my shirt doesn't have as large of ruffles, one must admit that it is a little startling to see your outfit on a painting almost 55 years old. When I pointed it out to my colleagues, they commented on the timelessness of fashion. When I pointed it out to my students, who were doing research in the library that day, they gave me pitying looks and comments about how I needed to get some new clothes. Ah, the perspective of youth. (But really, do I need to get new clothes?)

A Lot of Hot Air

On sheets, curtains, and mattresses hot air balloons are a little cheesy. In the air, they are nothing short of spectacular.

Wildfire

In August the Mill Creek wildfire spread suddenly to New Harmony, a small town about 20 miles south of Cedar City. For three days the air was full of non-stop campfire smell (which doesn't smell so great when you're not actually camping) and perpetual coughing, runny noses, and sneezing. Here are some pictures I took of what Cedar City had to deal with during those days (though not even close to what the residents of New Harmony and Kanarraville went through).
The ash that was deposited on my car - and in our lungs - when I came out of work one day.



Wildfires do make for pretty sunrises and sunsets...as long as the fire is far away from where I'm watching the sunset!

The anit-brag book

Blogging is an interesting world to step in to. It is most often used as a public brag book, though you will find the occasional serious subject matter, political commentary, and book reviews. When I don't blog, it's usually because I don't really feel I have anything to brag about. It doesn't mean things aren't going on, nor does it mean that there aren't a million things going on in my life or head - funny and not so funny. Sometimes I try so hard to think of meaningful things to commentate on that I have a brain meltdown and have a complete block of anything to say. Other times, which has more recently been the case, I don't feel like I have much that's positive to say so instead of saying anything that's not nice, I don't say anything at all. And in this way I have stripped the blog of its intended purpose.

A blog is a way of sharing information and communicating with others - the good, the better, the best, and the downright ugly muggly. We don't all have good days. In fact, we all probably have more mediocre, bad, and boring ones. But my personal relationship with blogging has turned into this creature of persuading others that my life is so fun and exciting...because that is what I predominately share. But I am here to admit that my life is filled with insecurities, sadness, and often overwhelming feelings of inadiquacy. I don't presume to say that brag-book moments are shared for some sneaky or deceptive reason, nor that we should discontinue doing so as these are the moments that make life worth living and they should be shared with those we care about to celebrate life with us. I share pictures and stories for the same positive reasons that all who share these do. But there is also a side that I don't share, and any honest reporter of integrity (because isn't that what all who blog are? Reporters of their lives?) shows an unbiased willingness to show all sides of a story.

So there. I've said it. My life is not as charmed as I'd like others to believe, and for the past few months I have felt sad, lonely, tired and confused more than I've felt anything else. I don't know why I feel this need to stop hiding behind my blog, but I do. We are entering summer, the braggiest season of them all, and I will be more guilty than most this go-around. But life is a lot more than the brag book, and instead of pretending that's all that is worth talking about, here is my declaration of the normalcy of my life.

Sing, sing a song, sing it loud to last your whole life looooong...

My dear friend Megan came to visit for a few days.  She and I were friends and roommates in college and we had some good times together.  Just as I was graduating, she and her husband decided to move to Hawaii for a job opportunity, taking her away.  They are now back in Utah with their daughter Lily, and I am so glad.

Megan, our friend Alisha and I used to be in a band.  We were called Blithe and performed quite a bit around the area and had a lot of fun together.  It had been over four years since we had played together, but Meg brought her guitar down and we practiced a little before playing at open mic night.  It was a BLAST!  A lot of friends came out so support us and it was fun to know that we still had it.  Megan is a fantastic songwriter and I dare say we kicked some accoustic tail!

Thirty, Flirty and Thriving

I have mixed feelings about turning the big 3-0. There are moments where I feel a sense of my own power as a woman - I feel like I have come into my adulthood. There are other times, though, where I mourn the end of a relatively pleasant decade - I have long since lost the chance to be a teenage mother. I have reached an age where I can no longer sell my eggs for cash (why didn't I DO that? You can make, like, $3000 a shot!) as they are apparently too old of specimens. I can no longer play dumb, using the excuse that "I am the new kid on the block so don't put any responsibility on me because I only moved out of my parents house a few years ago." Ah, the good old days when if you wanted to get rid of someone you were dating you could take the chicken poo way out and just stop talking to them...ok, so this statement doesn't apply to me, per se, but you get it (especially those of you who know the story)...where does the time go?

My time this weekend was spent with a few friends who are dear to me and made it an extra special birthday. Laura put together a party for me and it was exactly what I wanted. Tiaras, jewels, pink feather boas, nail polish, the movie "13 Going On 30", cheesecake, and a sleepover were all involved. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends who made it special and just what I asked for.

Kalai Concert #2

Laura, Kyle and I went to see Kalai for the second time this summer in St. George the first week of June. There were three opening bands, but the third one was Joshua James. He has a great sound and if you are into music you should check him out on iTunes. Kalai was highly enjoyable as well!


This video is dark at first but when they turn the lights on it will help - just wanted to help give Joshua James some free publicity!

Live Music Rules!

I've been to a few concerts over the last few months. About a month and a half ago I went to see a local band called Mason's Jar of Jam. Pretty good stuff! Two weekends ago I went to see Colbie Callei (famous for the song "Bubbly") It was OK. She's not one of my favorites, but my friends and I went for something to do. It was at the Tuachan amphitheater, so the scenery was the best part of it. For anyone interested, she sounds exactly like the CD, as in not a single note sung differently. But this Friday I went to see Kalai here in Cedar City at The Grind Coffee House - he is a little bit Ben Harper, a little Jack Johnson, a little James Taylor, a little Bob Marley... Probably one of the best concerts I have ever been to. He is a phenomenal musician and HILARIOUS - let me explain. Usually at a concert one of two things happens. Sometimes the musicians try really hard to be funny and tell stories and just plain try too hard and it gets annoying - you want them to just get back to the music. The other scenario is they don't talk at all and you get a sense that the concert is almost painful and they just want to get it over with, so you want them to talk to feel like a) they have a personality and b) they are acknowledging your existence. Kalai was so funny in between songs that I couldn't wait to hear what he had to say next. The best $12 I've spent in a long time!

Is one of the 12 steps admitting you have a problem?

I have been a casual American Idol fan for the last four or five years. That all changed this year. I don't usually start watching until the contestants have been narrowed down to about ten or so - they are usually the best anyway. I think this year, accidentally, I started watching at around the top 16 week and was instantly hooked. It is a whole new ballgame this year. I admit it...I...have...VOTED. Whew. (more than once). MORE THAN ONCE! And I have purchased singles from iTunes. And I listen to them OFTEN. Oohhhh, the shame...But Claudia, you really should check out Jason Castro's version of "If I Fell" and everyone on the planet should check out David Cook's "Billie Jean is Not My Lover." Freakin' AWESOME! (Is saying this a step back from moving forward?)

Meg's Music Monday Challenge Part 2

I forgot to give an explanation to the songs I chose- part two of the assignment!

1. I can't remember a trip in my life where my dad wasn't constantly taking pictures. My siblings and I, to some extent, have followed his lead. I guess that's why scrapbooking was natural for me - I am the person with all the pictures that others are always getting pictures from because others enjoy the scenery while I try to capture it. Even as a child, I was always taking pictures not only of the people I was with, but also any scenic point along the way. I don't have a fancy camera like my dad did, but it is a habit inherited from him.

2. My mother (and father) joined the Air Force out of high school. My mother did it because she new it would be the only way she could see the world. I have always thought she was so brave for doing it. She is shy, but she traveled around the world by herself. Then she married my father and moved to Wisconsin and never moved back home. I always think about her when I hear this song because I can just picture my mom being sad seeing all her kids move away, but also knowing that she had to do the same thing for herself.

3. Shotgun Serenade I would like to dedicate to two people who both taught me to stand up for myself. They were the ones I needed to stand up to and probably didn't appreciate it at the time, but I am a stronger person now because they were such jerks and drove me to change.

4. I dedicate this song to my students. They have a hard time understanding that I have bad days too. That I have a personal life and am not a slave to grading their late work. That all jokes are not funny, especially when not timed right. That I need personal space. That they don't have the right to sit at my desk, go through my desk, read my emails behind my desk...they want me to be fun and play ALL the time. Beauty and the mess.

5. I chose the final song because - even though I don't do it much anymore - I love making tapes for people...well, cd's I guess. I love getting the best songs in the best order.

Meg's Music Monday Challenge

The assignment: Create a personality CD of 5 songs consisting of
1. A song about a trait you inherited from your father
2. A song about a trait you inherited from your mother
3. A song you about a trait you learned from someone else
4. A song about how other's see you
5. A song about a trait that is unique to you

Here are mine (I just spent the last hour and a half doing this becuase it is so much more fun than proofreading Sterling Scholar portfolios):

1. 3 x 5 - John Mayer
2. Wide Open Spaces - The Dixie Chicks
3. Shotgun Serenade - Juliana Theory
4. Beauty and the Mess - Nickel Creek OR Dig - Incubus (how do you ever REALLY know what others think of you?)
5. The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin

And Meg, you still have me beat - these are the bands you introduced me to, and this just off the top of my head!
Travis
Juliana Theory
Get Up Kids
Sara Harmer
Iron and Wine
The Format
Saves the Day
Patti Griffin
The Promise Ring
Old 97's
Pete Yorn
Rhett Miller
And do I dare mention the those two amazing years in college where Good Charlotte, MXPX and New Found Glory were our soundtracks in Provo and driving through Vegas with the windows rolled down and the music turned way up?

My Valentine

So I didn't get a date this Valentine's Day. What I did get, though, was a blister in the shape of a heart on Valentine's Day after shoveling the driveway. I hope you were all luckier than I was ; )

I Love Nickel Creek

You would have to know me pretty well to understand the depth of my love affair with the band Nickel Creek. I even bought a mandolin and have tried - quite unsuccessfully - to teach myself to play in the hopes that one day, when I have 5 minutes alone with Chris Thile, I can impress him with how much of a psycho stalker I am...wait, that came out wrong. Not only is this one of the most talented group of musicians I have ever seen (I smiled the whole time at the concert, by the way), but they are talented even while being silly! I love it. I love them. Unfortunately, they are breaking up to pursue other projects. But they will forever be my favorite band, and I their #1 fan!

I've Been Tagged!

I've been tagged by Claudia. Here are the rules and what it all means:
Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, you choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them to be tagged.

1. If I could have any jobs in the world it would be a stage actress (musicals) - join the club, right? - or to make muppets. Muppets. Sesame Street. Could you ever have a bad day if it was your job to make Elmo's? How does one go about applying for that job?

2. I have always wanted to live in a studio apartment on a main downtown street in an East Coast city. It doesn't have to be a big apartment or particularly nice (no roaches though), but just be able to look out over the city as people are living and moving and going places. To be right in the middle of the action would be so interesting. And why do I want to be in the middle of the action - or observing it, anyway?

3. Becuase I enjoy busy places. Airports. Malls in the days just before Christmas. Fairs and carnivals. Sporting events. I like watching people, wondering where they are going and what their lives are like. And seeing how people interact with each other when they don't think anyone notices. I'll skip a traffic jam, though.


4. My dream vacation would be to visit Italy and the Greek islands. It looks so romantic and expensive. Hunky Italian men, all the pizza you could ever want, the accents, the museums, the history...

5. I'm not a sucker for shoes. For me it's white shirts all the way. I'll take 'em with colars, without, button down, pullover, sweaters, t-shirts, tank tops (to go under things, of course)...bring 'em to me baby!

6. My secret ambitions are to be a poet and a professional scrapbooker. I'm not bad at either one, but I'm not great either. But I would love to do it. Even if just one poem made it to an anthology somewhere, I would be satisfied. But there are so very many people who write and are very good. Becuase I don't write in a journal, poems and scrapbooks are cathartic for me.

7. The most fun I've ever had (and one of those things that you would love to do but never thought you'd get the chance to do) was be in a band with my friends Megan and Alisha. We had about a seven month stint, but we played regularly at The BlueKat, a local club which no longer exists, and a few other places in the area (SUU, Groovefest, Brian Head concert series...). It happened by accident. After knowing Meg for years but never hearing her sing, I stumbled upon her as she played a song that she wrote. I loved it - her songs didn't sould like they were written by someone who was writing their first songs. My roomate Alisha was a great guitar player and had sung in a group as well. Neither had met each other and so I invited Meg to come to my house and play with Alisha becuase I though they might appreciate each other's talent. Then I got out my mandolin - which I still don't play well, but I started picking out a harmony. We went to a local record store and played a few songs at their open mic night, and were asked to play at the opening of the BlueKat. We quickly got together about 30 minutes worth of music and were suddenly a band. We had at least one show a week for the next few months. Mostly we got paid in a meal or a soda, but it was so fun. But big kid life kicked in and it came to an untimely end. I'd do it again in a hearbeat though.



8. My favorite places to be are museums and watching theatre productions. I love it. I want to work in a museum (master degree in museum education???). Like I mentioned before, I would love to work as an actress. So if I can't be one, the next best thing is watching shows, right?

9. Confession time...guilty pleasures...soundtracks to musicals in which I can pretend I am the lead singer (Wicked and How To Succeed In Business are my top picks); Justin Timberlake (blush); Anything with Keri Russell in it including the made for TV movies; Dancing With The Stars; three MTV reality shows - The Hills, Life of Ryan, and Newport Harbor. Newport Harbor is a train wreck, but I can't turn away!

10. Most of my monthly expendible cash goes to eating out. My mother would probably say Walmart, which is second, but I spend more money on eating out than anywhere else. My mission - besides teacher parking spots - is to find the best pizza in Utah, using two WI pizza joints as the standard. I'm still looking. I also love seafood. Crab or lobster. Not much of that here, which is probably a good thing. Shrimp is a distant but sometimes sufficient substitue.

Selling Out

Ok. I don't know if I am actually selling out by getting a blog. I guess there is just a false sense of importance by creating your own blog- like there are people out there who I think will actually care about the inner workings of my mind and life. So if you are reading this right now, thanks for contributing to my self-esteem.
E