Waddling Cats Make Lousy Drivers

I watched a cat waddle down the sidewalk on my way to check the mail this evening. It wasn't the graceful hip swaying saunter that most cats have - more like a drunken stumble down the yellow line. But when I got close, the cat had no problem running away, so I can only assume that the cat didn't get giddy off of sour milk from the neighbors garbage can.

This makes me think of the driving ability of the jack-a (not the neighborhood one) who hit my car in the high school parking lot last Tuesday. Both drivers side doors. And then ran away. I mean drove away. He or she couldn't see strait enough to get into the parking space, stumbled into my car, and then had no problem driving away. But since I didn't notice it until late that evening, I had left the scene of the crime, the police couldn't do anything really except make a damages claim, and I am left paying the deductible. Which is a lot when you don't have anything. And for most of the people I know on most days even when you do. But I'm lucky that's all I have to pay, since the damages are $2,479. Do you know how much cat food that it? It was probably a student (volleyball and football practice were going on and the lot was full) with either no license, no brain or natural driving ability, or no decency. OK, definitely no decency. I like to imagine myself approaching him (or her) and calling him a coward to his face in front of his peers, and then cursing him with never getting a girlfriend. EV-ER. Cuz that's like totally the biggest deal in high school. At least, I think. But I'm too tired now to think clearly. Maybe I should get behind the wheel of a car. Or at least strut my way to the mailbox and look for that cat - he might need someone to help him walk him home.