The DIY List

When you are single and 30, there are a lot of things people tell you you should do on your own.  The one I hear most often is buy a house.  "Now is the best time" so many say (Of course, people were saying this three and four years ago before the bottom fell out).  Going to movies by myself, living alone, online dating (which NO ONE should have to do alone!) and going to grad school are others that come up frequently (still trying to find the right fit of a program).  In the last week, adopting my own child has been suggested by two people, and a third had a dream about me having a baby by artificial insemination - "She was really beautiful" - so having kids by myself has wiggled it's way onto my DIY list.

One thing that never has come up though is to travel alone.  Ever.  Not once.  Of all the grand and scary and expensive things to be suggested by others to fill my time, no one has ever said, "Erin, I think you should go on an exotic/tropical/foreign/European vacation on the solo."  Or at least, not unless I brought it up first as a side note, and then not with confidence.  More of an exasperated "I should just go on a trip by myself" while trailing off and all of those within earshot interpret it as a "But we all know I never will," including myself.  I know what they're all thinking as they're agreeing with me because it's something I've dangled in front of my own nose a few times while sitting alone on my bed, laptop in lap, scanning trip deals and last-minute getaway packages. But then I would get really nervous and change my own subject.  I assume no one suggests it because I don't know anyone who's done it.  I went to San Diego by myself about seven years ago for a quick overnighter.  I was short on cash and time, but in desperate need of a beach.  It went mostly fine, and all hang-ups were averted with a little divine intervention (really), but I have never again ventured farther than 200 miles to do anything completely alone for more than an afternoon since.  I have thought about it a lot, but never acted.

That is not the case this week though.  I have done something daring.  Something semi-impulsive.  Something that could be a complete disaster.  I have purchased a ticket. I am going alone.  I am scared out of my mind and excited too.  I am chasing a long-shot of a professional ambition to get a job overseas and hope that what I think will be networking (with a bit of sightseeing mixed in at the end) will lead me somewhere.  I have prayed and pondered a lot over the last year about this and have felt prompted to act.  This job is the scariest thing I have ever desired to do, but also one of the few things I haven't talked myself out of - and trust me, I talk myself out of a lot of things.  I feel that my Father in Heaven has been leading me to this point over the last few months, though mentioning all of the little things that have seemed like confirming answers from above might sound stupid to a lot of people.  Even to me when I say them out loud.  I emailed some school principals.  I got my first response within a few hours.  I instantly felt sick and tried to talk myself out of it.  But then I told my mom the next morning and she was actually excited for me and said she didn't believe in coincidences.  I did not expect that, and because of it I felt at peace.  I didn't hear much of what was said at church yesterday because my two year old niece was all over me, but remember exactly one sentence said by a young man in uniform as he shared his testimony: "If Heavenly Father wants us somewhere, He will make it happen."  I really hope He wants me to be in Germany, because that's where I will be the week of November 21st.

(Anyone want to go with me?)