When in doubt, make a flow chart.

Kids do the darndest things!

Over the years there have been many hilarious blurtations that have taken place in my class periods. I am forgetting many of the things that have had me laughing for days. In an effort to preserve the events, pranks, and blurts of my students (and since this week added a new "funny" to the list), here is a post that is dedicated to some of them:

- Coming into my classroom after lunch and all the desks are facing the back of the classroom.

- Coming into class after lunch and finding all of the desks, my chair, my keyboard, and everything else on my desk tipped upside down.

- Coming into my class after lunch and finding all of my dry erase markers, pencils, stapler, and mini-Brett Favre bobble head (pre double retirement) taped to the ceiling. Tape is also across each line of keys on the keyboard, as well as covering the bottom of my mouse and covering the opening of the tissue box.

- A dead silent classroom. A 170 point final test over a novel. A sudden outburst of laughter. Everyone looks to Tara, this year's resident Sassy Spice, and I ask a simple "What?"

"'Circle the correct answer.' Like we'd circle the wrong answer."

You'd be surprised, Tara. Very very surprised.

- A student teacher places an engagement photographs on the overhead, demonstrating various points about how photography can be symbolic. In the photo, the groom-to-be is holding the bride-to-be. We see only his back as he looks across a lake to the mountains in the distance. She looks back at the camera - and us. Student teacher: "Him holder her is symbolic of his feelings for her - that he will always take care of her." Trajan: "If he doesn't take care of her, I sure will!"

- "Ms. Hensel, I know that people from Canada are Canadians, and people from Mexico are Mexican, but what are people from the United States called?"

- I pull the overhead plug out of the outlet and the grounder post is still in the socket. Despite my students telling me that there is no charge going to the grounder post and that I can just pull it out, I step to the phone to call Fernlee, the head maintenance worker - No one is getting electrocuted on my watch! I turn back toward the class just as Dylan is on the floor, fingers pulling at the grounder post, convulsing. I scream and and instantly start crying as I watch what I think is a 14 year old being electrocuted. Seconds later he falls to the floor laughing at me, along with the rest of the class.

- Opening my desk drawer after school to grab a pencil and almost grabbing a tarantula that had been lovingly placed there by a student. The tarantula was dead. I didn't know that.

- The homecoming football game, 2007, just happens to fall on my birthday. My friend and co-worker Wayne Decker finds out and has it announced over the announcements that morning. As I leave the football game later that night and pass the student section, the entire student body sings "Happy Birthday" to me. I may or may not have started crying.

- I'm on the phone in my classroom after school talking to the oral surgeon about the upcoming procedure I will be having. Three male students stop by after baseball practice to say hello. Just as I am asking about the implants I will be getting. DENTAL implants. They didn't hear the 'dental' part.

- Realizing that one of my students is the nephew of a guy I was madly crazy for in college, and while trying to give him some 'dirt' on my former crush without letting on that he was indeed a crush, unintentionally slipping too much info.

Me: "Tell him that I found out that he made out with my sister!"

Jace: "Wait. Why do you care if he made out with your sister? Did you kiss him?"

Me: Silence. Instant blushing. what do i do. WHAT DO I DO????

Jace: "OH MY GOSH!!! YOU MADE OUT WITH DIGGER" (notice how he has already exaggerated the information).

Me: "No! Wait...!"

Jace: "I can't WAIT to ask him about it! I can't believe you were almost my aunt. You were almost my AUNT!!! That's SO COOL!"

- I have a date on a weeknight. We will be heading up the mountain to go four-wheeling. I stop at his place of employment, which is on 'Burger Alley' in town, to change. Three students see me and do the natural thing: they park behind me and wait. But I don't come out wearing the same clothes. I don't come out alone. And I don't leave in my car. As we are waiting to back onto busy 200 N, I see three heads ducking up and down behind the dashboard of a pickup truck. Seconds later I recognize one of them, and then all three of them. They hang out of the truck window laughing at me and pointing as my date and I pull away. The next day, and just about every day for the next TWO years (no joke) I get asked about George. It doesn't help that he comes to school with a bouquet of flowers a few months later during class (which happened to have one of the original three in it) to embarrass me because I told him about it. The date was five years ago. I still get asked when I see those now graduated students.

- MaKenna stands to present her project on the black plague at the end of our Shakespeare unit but holds it close to her chest until the very end. When she finally shows it to us, there are two live mice (primary culprit in spreading the black death) in a shadow box. She finishes and sits down. 10 minutes later, she looks down to see one of the mice squeezing out between the 'breathing' gap she leaves for them. The other one is gone. We did eventually catch it. Eventually.

I'm sure I'll remember more. I'm thinking of some already, but I need to pack for my holiday travels bright and early in the morning and haven't started yet. I hope my trip down memory lane was entertaining (especially for you, Michelle!). Merry Christmas everyone!

Giving Thanks Portland Style

Well, Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is a short week away. So in this brief interlude of holiday reprieve, catching up on blogging seems like the way to go before the onslaught of tinseled cheer. I flew to Portland to visit with Claudia, Adam, and baby Claire for Thanksgiving. We had a delightful time shopping; eating good food; walking downtown; going to the zoo where we got up-close and personal with lions, chimpanzee's, otters, and cheetahs; and watching movies. My only complaint was not having enough time. Claudia is a delightful host and the perfect companion, Claire is cheerful and my content buddy who's up for anything, and Adam's biting humor adds some spice. I just love exploring this cool city with my amazing sister and her family!

What 'choo lookin' at, Willis?

I contributed too! I promise! Just not very much...

Cheetah's are cool, especially when separated by only an inch of glass.

"Claire, if you don't stop whining right now, there are some big kitties right there that would be very interested in meeting you!" (Note to readers: Claire did not whine, despite not getting a nap. This is a purely fictional interpretations of the face Claudia is making in this picture.)

The fact that the animals at this zoo actually hang out in the observation areas so you can get right up close to them is wonderful and probably one of the funnest zoo experiences I've ever had.

The girl has some 'junk in the trunk'!

Gives new meaning to a bear hug, doesn't it!

"No, I will NOT smile, no matter how much I want to. But you can keep trying to get me to if you like. It's your time you're wasting, and I'm having fun laughing internally at how ridiculous you look."

Mt. Saint Helen, Mt. Renier, and Mt. Hood from above the clouds as the sun is rising as I'm flying out of Portland. The last think I saw before I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Thanks for letting me visit Claudia!

Reconnecting

I'm an insecure friend. This makes me appear to be an uncaring friend, when really I sometimes feel paralyzed with caring a lot but not knowing what to do to be a good one and even concern that what I've thought of isn't good enough. So often I do nothing instead. Distance - physical or emotional - leads me to fall out of touch with a lot of people, sometimes when they live in the same space as me, when that is the last thing I want. I remember even as a child being aware of my friendship faults and insecurities. The good news is that I have some friends who haven't given up on me. The good news is that I was able to reconnect with someone through the lost domain of emailing that I thought I had lost but maybe I haven't. Here is my ode (not the John Keats kind) to finding old and lost friends:

"Building Words"

They say writing letters is an art

rapidly being lost to time and movements of quickness.

And I believe the ambiguous ‘them’ when the telephone

imposes spaces of stressed urgency to fill, reminding us both

of absence and

distance

and of the loudness of silence when words can’t

satisfy the

passage

of

time –

the quiet ending in a lonely void.

But the lost art has led to

the science of a foundedness of you

and for now letter by letter suffices as we repave bridges

that had been weather worn from disuse, reconnecting

through words carefully chosen and common, with

no immediacy of tied tongues, building

one on top of the next to reconstruct

what could become something

that looks like

friendship.

Team "I Like Real Men Instead of Vampires and Werewolves"

I haven't blogged for a while. I was boring myself with my photo-posts, yet couldn't think of a mind altering conversation piece to put down in cyber memory. I still can't. I'm grateful for many things this time of year, naturally. I'm also resisting the urge to complain about people's Facebook status updates(though I'm on it myself multiple times a day) and Twilight movie obsessions (which I will most likely see this weekend) as it will prove just how very hypocritical I am. My worst fear has come to pass - a person I taught came over two nights ago in a social context to hang out with some of my roommates. My deepest wishes have not yet come to pass. Lisa said I'm not allowed to put up Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving, but in an act of defiance I at least took the storage bins out of the storage room, leaving them open on the TV room floor bearing their contents. I need to leave by 4 this morning to catch a flight to Portland, but I haven't packed yet and I should be going to bed 30 minutes ago. But life is good and there are no true complaints, sufferings, or worries as of right now. I do wonder if there will come a time when the free download trial addition of hidden object games on my computer will run out, because then what will I do for countless hours of wasted time after work as I prepare to take a really long nap really late in the day that will then keep me up 'til all hours of the morning during the work week? Now THAT I don't want to think about it because it might just be too painful.

Wishing you all a pain free intro to the best of holiday seasons! Happy Thanksgiving!

A Star is Born!

A star was born this weekend. Me!...or at least if one wans't born, showed up at your door and invited herself in for cookies and milk. That was my experience this weekend when I had a walk-on part in Cedar High's production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." I didn't find out what my line was until that night, nor did I know what my costume would be until I arrived at the school, but it was a blast. My favorite part of high school was being the the plays and musicals, so even though this wasn't MY production, I sure made myself right at home in the props room with my friend and coworker Kodi who walked on with me, all while doing our very best to steal the show - or at least the scene we were in!

I want regular Mikey back, not DinoMikey!

This was funny the first time he did it. But after a whole weekend of this almost nonstop, including the bites and near-bites, I want my cuddly Mikey buddy back!

Falling for Fall!

Autumn has always been my favorite season. I love getting out the cozy clothes, the changing leaves, Halloween decorations, the football, and the air smells like everything good. I just wish it lasted longer! The leaves never last long enough and Halloween is over too quickly. Before we know it, Thanksgiving will be here and the Christmas decorations will be coming out. So here are my last clingings to this wonderful season, with pictures from the Southern Utah University campus and homecoming game, before winter pries my cold bony fingers loose.
What a wonderful setting for a peaceful evening walk with Claudia and Claire!

Claudia getting a little fresh with Will!
I attended SUU for 4 1/2 years and this is the first time I've taken pictures of the campus - five years after I graduated!
Go Tori!
S-U-U! S-U-U!
So maybe we spent a little more time catching up and watching Meg's sister cheer, but SUU won on a glorious day to be outside with your best friend while stuffing your face with polish dogs and imitation nacho cheese!

Thor the Tunderbird making the rounds.

Spooky pumkin skeleton!

Happy little ghost! And Happy Halloween to all!

Claudie and Claire come a'callin'!

October was a great month for spending time with my family, not to mention celebrating bithdays. I always feel like our visits will get fewer and farther between, but so far that familial drought hasn't started. First Mark visited, and two weeks later Claudia and Claire came down to Utah. It was wonderful to have my "womb"mate come to visit this past month, bringing Clairebear with her. Thanks for the wonderful weekend!

WHAT month did you say it was?

I'm not as busy as I could be. I think I must be innately lazy in nature because I think of my life as busy, but have been watching an unnatural amount of television lately, telling myself the whole time that I am too tired to do anything else when I come home from work. But I really am tired. To the point where I fall asleep almost upon my rear making contact with the couch. Tuesday nights (for the third year) I am a tutor after school for a make-up program for students who are retaking classes on-line. (I do get paid, so I'm not looking for a well-done pat on the bum) until 5. And now I am taking an graduate level ESL class through the school district on Thursdays until 7. Saturdays are "catch up on on the shopping, visiting, auntieing, and various miscellany that you can't get done weektimes because your bum is making a sleepy contact with the couch after work" day, Sunday is church half the day, and everything else needs to fall in on Mondays and Wednesdays but never quite seems to.

The past few weeks have been busy though. It started with my friend Laura's wedding weekend - September 12. After that, homecoming week. Homecoming came early this year, and I participate in a lot of the activities there whether I am supposed to or not because I am on the homecoming committee and my friend in the English department is over student government and I volunteer my services to her. My involvement was truncated this year from what it usually is, but it was still a busy week for me. I chaperoned the Athena Club (of which I am advisor) service project to weed the courtyard flower beds that have been neglected for years, the homecoming dance, the senior activity of whitewashing the 'C' on Cedar Mountain, Spirit Night, and the game of course. Throw in the Back-to-School night parent-teacher meet 'n mingle and the SUU Creative Writing Conference on Friday and Saturday and you've rounded off that week.
My roommate of 4 years finally got herself hitched.

My favorite decorations from this year. The chief's head is a mural done by a student.

I tilled all of the plots when the girls were done weeding. In flipflops. I would not recommend this - weeding, tilling or doing it in flipflops. Both tilling and doing it in flipflops lead to intense body aches for at least 4 days.


The seniors have whitewashed the 'C' since the beginning of 'C'dom. And I've gone up with them every year since I started teaching. Then they get sprayed by the city water truck when they are posed for a picture - after all these years, they are somehow still surprised by this. Dummy's.

The snake dance. This used to be done through the streets of the city. Now it is restricted to the football field, but it's still fun.

It took a long time to get my nephew Mikey to paint his face. Three tries, actually. And in stages. First, I had to get it done. He wouldn't. Then he decided he really liked mine, so he got the red C on his cheek, but I had to paint it. Then we sat down again and he wanted the other colors that I had on my cheek. At that point he let the student in charge paint it on. And he looked so cute! I'm happy to have him mistaken as my son by the students anytime.
Mikey loved the halftime fireworks show... and the pizza, hotdogs, chips, and soda.

Touchdown! Students let go of the balloons given them before the game after the first one. Mikey was in the bathroom, but I let his go. He was very concerned. I was just glad he and Rori didn't have anything to fight over anymore or to hit the head of the man in front of us with.
Cedar High really does have a beautiful stadium view. If there's nothing on the field to attract your attention, at least the scenery is nice!

Then take a week off from extra-curricular chaperoning. But now hopelessly behind on grading.

Then insert parent-teacher conferences last week after school. And me getting sick for two days (my first since I started teaching). Salt Lake City for a wedding, my brother Mark visiting and Mikey's birthday. And now I'm REALLY hopelessly behind on grading. So much so that I dread even starting. So sometimes I don't. And I'm still tired. But the doctor at the Insta-Care said it wasn't the Swine because I didn't have a fever.
The most recently dedicated Oquirrh Mountain LDS Temple in South Jordan, Utah.
We are a lovely bunch, aren't we?

I love these two cherub faces! Happy 3rd birthday, Mikey!

My life isn't totally procrastinations ridden, though. For example, I will not procrastinate watching my favorite television program on Thursday night. Jim and Pam are getting married on The Office tomorrow. So ya see, there is ALWAYS something to look forward to! Now where did I leave that bag with all the grading in it...?

This is the half - yes, HALF - of my grading pile that I have at home. So who wants to be a procrastinating English teacher...anyone?...anyone? (WARNING: When looking at the quarter through a rear view mirror, the stack may appear smaller and further away than it actually is. Approach with caution. )